In your heart, you know what matters most in life is loving and being loved — so when that isn’t happening in your marriage, you feel lost and hurt. At Colorado Counseling Center, all of our therapists specialize in marriage counseling that gets right to the heart of the matter — helping you and your loved one strengthen your bonds of love, trust, responsiveness, and safe connection.
“How do we save our marriage?”
By asking this question, you’re taking an important first step. Acknowledging that your marriage is in a vulnerable place can help you and your spouse prepare to make the changes that are needed for you to move forward in love.
The next step is to find excellent support from a qualified marriage counselor. Because your relationship matters so deeply to both of you, you and your spouse likely have strong feelings about what’s leaving you disconnected and unhappy — and those deep feelings often “hijack” your efforts to improve your marriage, leaving you in cycles of anger, blame, silence, and self-protection. Our counselors are trained to help you find safety by getting unstuck from these cycles and helping you express your needs, hopes, fears, pains, and longings in a way that brings you together instead of pushing you apart.
“How do we restore trust and safety to our relationship?”
Trust can be damaged in many ways within a long-term committed relationship like marriage. Sometimes the damage comes through distinct violations of trust such as affairs, addictions, or abuse. Other times trust gradually erodes as couples stop turning to each other, or as negative patterns of sarcasm, criticism, fault-finding, and defensiveness creep into the marriage. When feelings of trust and safety have been replaced by suspicion and fear, you find yourself cut off from the happiness and togetherness that you long for.
Our approach to marriage counseling (Emotionally Focused Therapy / EFT) helps you address foundational issues of trust and safety in several important ways:
- We guide you to identify and address any issues/behaviors that prevent the possibility for trust and safety to be rebuilt. Once this happens, you can see your options more clearly.
- We help you create a basic sense of safety so that you can begin to “cleanse the emotional wounds” caused by violations of love and trust.
- We assist you in learning how to genuinely acknowledge the wounds that have found their way into your marriage so you can come together in a way that offers hope, dignity, and togetherness for both of you.
- We aim to restore the relationship as a safe-haven for both of you, allowing the hurts from the past to become a memory, rather than a reflection of your current reality of renewed love and trust.
“Where did the feelings of love and passion in our marriage go? How can we improve our sex life?”
Early on in a couple’s relationship, passion often comes easily — the air between two people can be filled with desire, anticipation, and excitement. After the initial flames of attraction have subsided, you may ask, “Can we reclaim a lasting passion?”
The answer to this question is a resounding yes! As you learn how to connect and begin to create deeper and more emotionally responsive emotional bonds with your partner, desire, passion, and freedom will often return to your lovemaking. In contrast with sex that is over-focused on novelty and the physical act, emotional connection and synchrony has the potential to bring both physical pleasure and deep emotional satisfaction to your sex life. In our experience, the more couples connect emotionally, the more cherished, playful, and fulfilled they feel when they are intimate as well.
“Why do we always get stuck in the same arguments?”
Every couple has their “difficult issues”—the topics that inevitably lead them to a “stuck” place. For some couples the topic is parenting; for others it is money, work, sex, or relationships with in-laws. With Emotionally Focused Therapy, we can help you escape hurtful patterns so you can understand one another, get to the heart of the matter, and move forward together.
If you would like help saving your marriage, restoring safety and trust to your relationship, rekindling your fire and bringing the passion back, or discovering how to break patterns that keep you stuck and disconnected, email us or call us today at 720-468-0101 for a no obligation, 15-minute phone consultation.