The Heart of Marriage

I have an invitation for you:

Think of your greatest memories with your loved one. 

What comes to mind? Perhaps you remember times of great tenderness, compassion, or forgiveness.  Or maybe you recall experiences of deep connection, love, and harmony.  What was that experience like for you?  How did it feel?

When we recall life’s most beautiful and connected moments, we intuitively know that loving and being loved is (or ought to be) at the very heart of our life.  Within the secure bonds of loving relationships we become stronger: more creative, flexible, courageous, and resilient.  The opposite is also true; when we are disconnected, isolated, or at odds in our most important relationships, everything is affected: we feel weaker: more defensive, hesitant, cynical, and isolated.

The big question is this: how do we build secure bonds of love? How do we keep this “heart” healthy?

The best research we have on loving relationships points to some elegant conclusions: secure bonds of love are built on principles of Acceptance, Belonging, Comfort, and Safety—the “ABCs” of love.  When you think back to your best relationships, they likely are characterized by these qualities.  Your best memories with your loved ones are infused with the security and joy that grows from these ABCs.

We can all do something today with this beautiful and simple knowledge.  We can turn to our spouse, friends, or other loved ones, and extend acceptance—graciously making room for who they are.  We can let them know that they belong with us—that we are grateful for their presence in our life. We can be there to comfort—staying available and responsive to them, however big or small their current troubles or joys.  Day by day, we can create safety and predictability for our loved ones by keeping them in our hearts, and letting them know that we carry them there, in that most important place.

If you and your loved one need help in creating a secure connection, contact us today!

About Paul Sigafus

I'm Paul - the Director of Colorado Counseling Center and a Certified EFT Couples Therapist & Supervisor. My passion is helping people learn how to love each other and themselves, because I know from personal experience that the best way to grow stronger is to grow together. My enthusiasm for being a marriage counselor notwithstanding, I find my greatest joy and passion in life in loving my wife and children, and in creating with them a life full of warmth, love, joy, gratitude, and togetherness.

One thought on “The Heart of Marriage

  1. This is a very good article to read, thanks for sharing this. I hope most people, including I, will always keep in mind the ABCs of love. Maybe this will help to keep our families and relationships intact. Please continue sharing your awesome views.

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