It’s the little things that keep us close

by Carole Vogt, PsyD

Daily Rituals of Connection in Marriage

My husband and I have found that for us to stay close and connected we needed to develop and stick to daily rituals. Marriage Rituals Set us FreeLike many of you reading this post, my husband and I are both busy; he owns his own business and works 6 days a week. I have a variety of activities and jobs that keep me busy. We could go for days without running into each other if we let that happen. When we don’t have time for each other it takes a toll on us as a couple. It’s too easy to just let that happen and then we both end up feeling distant and unconnected.

So, we have developed daily/weekly rituals that help us to stay close and connected. Another way to describe these are “intentional behaviors”. It’s a way for us to focus on our relationship and actively appreciate each other. An excellent book by  William Doherty, author of “Take Back Your Marriage” relates this concept as a method of staying close. I would encourage each of you reading this to find what is meaningful and works for you and your partner.

The following rituals are the ones that we have found to be effective for us….

  • A daily ritual for us is that my husband (who arises at the crack of dawn each day to begin working in his office) wakes me up and brings me coffee in bed. He never forgets and it means so much to me.
  • Another ritual we have is that when I leave for work each day I intentionally say goodbye and give him a hug. In return he knows how much it means to me each evening that when I get home (frequently after dark) he has the lights on and greets me in the kitchen to welcome me home.
  • We have dinner together most nights and put on music and check in on how our day was spent.
  • We have set aside time once a week to sit in the living room and discuss the upcoming week and our schedules and whatever else in on our minds.
  • Once a week we go out on a date for dinner and enjoy the feeling of dating like we did in the past.
  • We have blended families and we are intentional about celebrating birthdays and holidays and having grown children and their families over for dinner on a routine basis.

These are some of the ways we intentionally send each other the message:

You are important to me.

You matter.

Our marriage matters.

I make time for you!

What can you do to send these messages to those you love?

About Carole Vogt

As a counselor-emeritus at Colorado Counseling Center, Carole brought a great depth of professional experience to her counseling with couples and individuals.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *