Despite the varying details that I hear when working with couples dealing with some degree of infidelity, there is a simple fact that I always try to remember: at the end of the day what a hurt partner usually needs the most to heal is to feel that the offender understands the pain and hurt he or she has caused and that it won’t happen again. Continue reading
Has your teenager ever come home from school this way? Maybe stopping on the way to her room to yell at you or comment under her breath. She is angry and irritated.
You have no idea why. You have no idea what to do about it.
She isn’t talking. But she is giving you, with nonverbal gestures you can’t miss, a signal that something has had a strong impact on her life. It may not feel like it, but this is an opportunity to understand, support, help, and guide her.
What’s Really Going On with Your Teen
I used to wake up each morning with a laundry list of thoughts and tasks swamping my mind. Once awake, my mind would pull me back and forth between feelings of worry and hope, like an internal tug-of-war. Some days I would find myself somewhat impaired by my fears, feeling stuck in a daily routine and unmotivated to move toward any new goals.
Something was missing.
Too Busy, Too Fast, Too Much
In a society filled with never-ending stress, working lunches, and constant accessibility to email, it is easy to get lost in the vortex of whatever is coming up next. You might sometimes feel trapped in feeling you have to keep up with the frantic pace of others around you. When Monday comes, you can’t wait for Friday. Then Friday arrives and soon it will be Monday again. It’s exhausting, and when you’re caught in the trap of busyness, you know that something important is missing. Continue reading
“The Look” from Your Teenager
Do you ever get “the look” from your teenager? You know the one I am talking about—the teen angst and disgust mixed with rolling of the eyes. You have something vitally important to say! They need to know this for their future! But you can’t get out of the starting gate. No one is listening. The information that you hold is valuable. Your teen would no doubt benefit from hearing what you have to say. The one barrier is… Continue reading
I was recently watching a clip from a therapy session and the wife explained to the therapist, “I don’t need to be right. I just need to be heard”: a simple statement that likely rings true for many of us, but one that we rarely connect with in the moments when we need that insight the most. Continue reading
In our previous post, we explored how your role as a pursuer or withdrawer can reinforce the arguments and sense of disconnection in your marriage. To end this negative cycle, it is essential for you and your partner to learn how to speak from your hearts—your primary emotions and needs. Continue reading
You probably know couples whose relationships have been damaged—or devastated—by infidelity. Some of you have been through this yourselves. Few things hurt worse than the betrayal of having your partner step outside of your marital commitment to each other. In our marriage counseling work with couples, we often get asked, “How can we affair-proof our relationship?” In this two-minute video, Sue Johnson (the leading expert in couples therapy) offers timely wisdom addressing the question: “Can you affair proof your relationship?” Continue reading
Are you interested in bringing more happiness into your relationship? Successful couples and marriages share common practices that bring them greater strength, deeper joy, and more lasting love. Consider how you can bring these ten practices of happy couples into your own relationship: Continue reading
In our previous post (Why Do We Argue So Much, Part 1), we explored how triggers, emotional reactions, inner dialogues, and behavioral reactions can all add momentum to your marriage arguments, keeping you stuck in a negative cycle. Another key understanding that is essential to stoping this cycle is understanding your role as a pursuer or a withdrawer in your marriage. Continue reading
Here at Colorado Counseling Center, we work with a lot of couples who seek help with their relationships. With marital problems, certain topics tend to surface more than others—like sex, finances, parenting, division of labor within the home, etc. In reality, the actual topics don’t matter as much as how you resolve (or don’t resolve) these issues. This is what matters most in the grand scheme of things. Let me elaborate. Continue reading